From the Teacher's Eye

I have given up the chalk to a keyboard. I thought it's a good idea to leave teaching for a moment and explore the horizon. But, the horizon is nothing but bland of terminals and computers.

This is teaching per se. Teaching Koreans pays well with a lot of non-taxable incentives. But, what people do not see is the fact that it's only a boring version of what you could do inside a real classroom. Websites are nothing compared to the fulfillment of being in a classroom with people face-to-face.

I guess it's way to late to turn back the hands of time. I tried looking for greener pastures. I found it but I guess the grass is so much greener on the my former side. Just like what I usually do when I regret an action I did, I look back to the my main purpose and that is to teach students with only a chalk as my weapon. Nothing could be more fulfilling than that.

NOw, I look to the future with dimming hopes. I know a school out there is looking for me to fill in the void they need at the same time filling my void for not teaching.

It's unfair how much one invests emotion and effort unto something and yet gets nothing in return. After years of being in numerous relationships, I'm back to a familiar phase, single hood. I have always wanted to find that one special person who will actually see the best in me and understand the worst of me. After seven failed relationships, I come to a point of depression and desperation. Am I really meant for happiness? Am I so unlucky to actually feel so ugly?

Melodramatic, isn't it? Yeah, I guess. My struggles with my weight and my desperation are all products of trauma and pain of seven people who actually make feel special yet hurt me by throwing me away. I miss cuddling someone by my side. I miss kisses so sweet. Now, I'm verging on cheesiness! Hehe!

Despite the worst of storms, I see light. Yes, I'm just being melodramatic and cheesy in my introduction. Plus, I know that I've matured after seven tries. And, the eighth will be the last, my grand finale to a soap opera called My Love Life.

Everyone deserves a happy ending. With every person we meet comes an experience chalked up to our slates. Whether we have just one or seven or perhaps thirteen relationships, we will all just settle to just one person who sees the best in us and overlooks the worst in us. We are all ugly ducklings in this world with one deserving and special person describing us as his/her swan.

Back to zero? Starting over again. I'm happy to be given another shot of doing things all over again. And, with a clean slate, I promise myself to be mature. No buts. No ands. Just pure understanding and maturity.

Last thursday, I went back to the SM Mall of Asia. For friends, they would eventually puke and curse me for returning to such a place that we have gone through for the hundredth time. But, I never really expected to see how much beauty SM Mall of Asia has to offer.

I was with Floi at that time. Floi is a friend from Tarlac. I have known him to be gullible and innocent. He hasn't been to the Mall of Asia until Thursday. Every time he sees something in MOA, he can't help but be amazed. I constantly laugh at him that day. He is like a kid visiting the zoo for the very first time. But, I have never seen such glitter in his eyes.

Truth be told, Floi is someone I consider close to me (let's leave it at that). And, the happiness he embodied that day made me think twice of MOA. Is there something in MOA that he has seen that made him marvel so much? What is it? What makes MOA so special?

I joined Floi exploring. When we were at the ground floor, Floi was as usual amazed. I looked up to what he was marveling at. Nothing special for my taste. But, I see the feeling of warmth and openness. I have never felt that. Is it because I was Floi? I reallu can't explain it. We walked some more. Every step seemed to take me to a new level of excitement. I had seen old stores but in a new light. I started to see what is so marvelous at these stores from the point-of-view of someone who has been here many times. It's the feeling of familiarity.

I haven't felt that familiarity in a while. I always wanted to go to a new place exploring. I want something new always. And, I failed to realize that there are things so marvelous and captivating, and most of all, familiar to me. I first went to MOA to see something new. I grew tired for visiting it for many times. But, now, I see a place so familiar and so valuable.

Floi and I ended our day gazing at the sunset by the bayside. I have never appreciated the sunset's beauty. That Thursday sunset is the most beautiful I've seen. And, it took someone from the past like Floi to help me see it.

It's Saturday now and that Thursday MOA experience is perhaps a life-changing moment. I now will go back to the past and renew some things that need to be renewed. I guess I just started feeling familiar again and I'm loving it.

This year is a let down. Moments that let me down are those ones that make me feel depressed and hopeless. For example, my first year of teaching is a big let down for it is negatively unexpected.

A good president empathizes with his brethren. He feels for the people. A sensitive president allows himself to open up all the possibilities and solutions in favor of the people.